Posted in Uncategorized

Confession of a Sea Anchor

I was here before and I am here again right now.
Watching the light from above, waiting for someone to break me out.
I was here before and I am here again, right now.
Withstanding everything the current may bring,
gathering all my strengths to keep myself fighting
from the pressure under, even when all I have is cold water, around me. Embracing me and I don’t know if I should be with glee.

I am here waiting for someone to bear a hand.
One, two, three or five. Why does it take so long for them to take me up?
How long have I been here? And I looked above.
There’s nothing more that I can see, a sky of darkness all over, around me.
HELLO? I tried to call.
Swoosh. The current answer, giving me some sands that tried to blind my eyes.
I blinked. Waiting for what’s coming.
I see a black shadow walking, running towards me.
I tried to reach it and I did, and so late to realize I am holding on to nothing.
I am lost, didn’t I? I thought to myself.
I am lost in the depth of the sea and the darkness here are creeping me, slowly eating my sanity.
Am I lost without no one noticing me? Even if they did, they must have replaced me.
Why? I asked as I feel my tears welling up.
Am I not worth it? Why? I shouted but I can’t hear myself even.
All I hear is the swooshing of the water with me.

I can’t distinguish anymore if it’s the water I have been drowned to or the loneliness that’s worming inside me.
The loneliness that keeps me grounded and keeping me free from the abyss of misery.
I feel empty and sad I whispered as I touched my chest, right where my heart is located. You’re still beating, why?
Then, there it goes. There go my tears with the ocean. I can’t help, I need to cry.

I looked up again and saw a stray of light striking, reaching me with its warm touch.
I tried to reach out my hand but I just got tired and finally gave up. I know I’m stuck.
I guess I will be forever stuck here in the darkness and my aloneness is really making me lonely.
I looked around, I feel hopeless.
I feel a little itchy as I saw there’s something creeping on me.
Go away! I shouted but-
The light! The light helped me to grow even under this misery.
Even under the darkness, I didn’t realize that there may be something from here. So unexpected, plants are growing with me and in me. I feel giddy and I looked around, again.
Looking for another to share this feeling of achieving something I thought I am incapable of. But I see nothing and emptiness.
What should I do with this? This is nonsense! I am all alone.
What is the use of having these? No one will ever appreciate, me.

I feel heavy again. The pressure of the water is digging me again, pulling me deeper and holding me until I’m wheezing out of the air.
HELP! I cried and the plants around me waved. Almost dancing with the water while I am crying out for help. No one will come. I thought. No one will be here to help.

I closed my eyes. Nothing is different from the sight when my eyes were open, it’s still dark. Maybe this is the end, I thought as I am slowly carried by the swirling darkness. Well at least, I won’t be lonely anymore and that made me smiled.

I gasped for air and I heard the bubbles popped as my eyes and lips opened. There was a fish in front of me, smiling.
Are you okay? He asked and I don’t know what to respond so I nodded.

Days passed and everything’s still the same. The darkness, coldness, the only thing changed is me. I am now happy. I was relieved by a fish that just passed by, eaten the moss that’s formed on my lips. I was relieved.
He stayed here with me even with all these things I hated.
Suddenly the darkness are all now familiar to me.
I feel happy with the things that I used to hate me when all along, BEING LOST ISN’T THE END OF BEING ME.
It’s true indeed that you need to get lost, before you get found.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s